I joined Hope Greenberg (Lucky magazine) and Toby Tucker Peters (Toby Tucker Golf) for a friendly round of tour-quality golf the other day. What? You don’t believe me? It was amazing. Phenomenal. Unbelievable really. We putted our knickers off. (Swamp land for sale in Florida.)

Some of you asked to see what Equipt women’s golf  shoes look like on grass. I have no clue why – they are fabulous regardless of where you wear them – but this was a prefect opportunity to snap some photos of our shoes in action – on grass – on real women. Toby and Hope, both former magazine fashion editors, had distinctive points of view style-wise and it was interesting to see what they conjured up for our sunny round of golf.

And – just in case the fashion review doesn’t do it for you – the on-course banter (do men do this?) had the kind of free range, think chickens, that could boggle tidier minds. Nevermind. We’re women. We multi-task. We share in a non sequitur-ish kind of way. I’ve inserted snippets of the sanitized, expurgated version in italics and all names have been changed to protect the guilty. For fun, a teensy-weensy-itsy bit of embellishment occurred (no specific attribution intended, swear to God), so forgive me H & T. Just couldn’t help myself.

First hole. Toby’s up. Toby: She took the jerk back and then, get this, had a baby. Can you believe it? Two loosey goosey practice swings. Huge drive. Two hundred and fifty-plus yards. Hope, who’s up next, has on a black Tail skirt topped off with a striped turquoise and white polo shirt and our classic neutral Wing Tips, and is pulling a driver out of her bag. Hope: She did? I thought she finally dumped that loser. You can see for yourself how great our shoes look with a skirt. Toby: We all thought she was going to, but then he bought her a big, I mean BIG rock, and that was that. We’re talkin’ five carats. Ba-LING.

Yes, Hope hit the great-legs lottery, but the rest of you should really think about adding skirts to your golf wardrobe, too. I have. There is nothing cooler than an unexpected breeze up the southwest passage when the humidity’s topping 80%.

I’m up. Drive fades. But wait, stays on the fairway. Me: S-weet. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. I jump in cart. Drive to ball. Hope: Did you hear that Rachel moved to Arkansas? Toby: GET OUT! Arkansas? What would make her do a thing like that?! (New Yorkers are so provincial.) Five wood. Crack. Hope: The suits found out she was having a thing with her boss, so everyone thought it was time for one of them to move on. Three wood. In the weeds. It was the old guys-stick-together thing. She got the door.

Toby was wearing my favorite pair of black eyelet trousers from her Toby Tucker Golf collection, so reminiscent of Katherine Hepburn, topped off with a crisp white polo (also from her collection) and our classic neutral Wing Tip shoes with kitties. Toby: Figures. Seven iron. Green in regulation. Why the blank didn’t she just put a bullet to her head? There are alligators down there. (Are there really?) Hope: Honey, the ratio of men to women is four to one. Do the math. I know what you’re thinking. All this chatter had to be ripping our games to shreds. It didn’t. Toby: Yeah, but doesn’t everyone carry a shotgun down there? (So New York.) Toby’s drive was cooking – over 270 this time. She corrected the fade with a heart-felt verse of SFD, the U-Penn golf team mantra. More on that later.

Hope did not hit a wayward shot all day long and I’m wondering if that had anything to do with the skirt – or great shoes. Leaning toward the shoes. Hope: You need them to kill the alligators. (Ha Ha.) As I hit a mind-boggling chip two feet from the hole, me: What is SFD?  Toby, sinking a six-footer replies: Slow the blank down. Me: Oh. Changing the subject, Hope: Weddings are so stressful. Considering the situation, Tuscany sounds like the ticket. I have no clue who they’re talking about now, but my next chip is ten feet past the hole. May as well be Siberia.  Toby: They could rent a villa and invite a few close friends – skip the whole family drama thing. Throw a party when they get back. One putt. Twelve feet. Toby: Holy blinking blank.

Me: Did you ever get a chance  to read my last blog post ‘Put Down The Ducky’? It’ll crack you up. Great music. You won’t be able to sit still. I wore a favorite pair of pistachio green cargo pants, because they matched my shoes. Toby: Yeah. That was so funny. Watched with the kids. OMG girl. These shoes are crazy comfortable. So light……like I don’t even have them on. Me: That was the plan.